❤️ [Little Hunterman] 33: A SHORT Afterbark Wee

The BIG Word According to Little Hunterman by Hunter Lassal – A Terrier's Fun Take on the Human World: Here comes wee 33

The Big World According to Little Hunterman by Hunter Lassal:

33: A SHORT Afterbark Wee

Now that my cartoon self has his own book, I keep worrying about my for-real doggie-self. Shouldn’t my real self be doing something as cool or even cooler than my illustrated self?

A FANTASTICAL JOB, maybe?

There was a time when I was a highly sought-after SOUND ENGINEER for my Tony-human and his music thingies. It fizzled out, though, when I voluntarily started to fill in as a background singer; although that is probably a mere coincidence.

A cool job that requires little work on my part is the secret agent stuff. I’ve spent hours and hours as an active UNDERCOVER DOUBLE AGENT.

(“Double” because of Flynn, of course.) 

That was kinda fun and I hardly ever fell asleep for real.

(Obviously, there are always ways to improve your undercover skills. It’s a lifelong learning thingy.)

A much more active job is the one of a SEMI-PROFESSIONAL BED-BALL PLAYER

Unfortunately, these fun times always end rather abruptly when my humans stop throwing the ball.

So, maybe that’s no good. It leaves me with too little control.

Once, I played with the thought of becoming my very own CROISSANT BAKERY OWNER.
I even started dressing the part.

As a good bakery owner, I’d have to make sure that my customers get the yummiest croissants ever. This obviously means that I’d have to test each croissant first — just an itsy bitsy tiny wee bite… 

But every time I practice this step I get a weird flash combined with an unexplainable lapse of memory.
And when my memory returns, there is never any croissant left! Someone must be stealing them while I am out of memory!!!!!!!!!

Super weirdly strange, right?

So, the croissant-backery-owner option is on hold until I solve the mystery of the disappearing croissants and catch the thief.

Anyway…

Another task I really enjoy is to spend hours and hours as a COLD-WATER CHANNEL SWIMMER doggie.

I could do this forever, but it triggers an urge in my humans to try out their newest blanket-wrapping methods on me, which totally interrupts my flow.

I’ve also repeatedly acted as the LOCAL DUCK SWIM TRAINER. It’s only a seasonal job, though, which is sad. Before you know it, they grow up and think they can swim out into the mighty river alone. Then you keep having to rescue them.

Ducks are a bit of work. Then again, I have my little Flynn. I don’t mind a bit of work.

Another idea I am toying with is to become an OFFICIAL CROW WHISPERER!

I bet that my friend Hinkemann Crow would give me a head-start in this job. He is a totally patient and kind crow who often joins me on my nighttime walkies. He taught me everything I know about crows — although I’m still having troubles with their language. Crow is a tough language to bark. Then again, according to the job description, it would be all about WHISPERING, right? If I’d whisper really softly no one could possibly hear my doggie-accent. Maybe I could up that a notch and just THINK ALOUD?!

There is one issue, though: While I absolutely LOVE my friend Hinkemann, I quite dislike the crows that once mobbed and hurt him. I would only enjoy this job if I could choose which crow to whisper with.

What I ALWAYS enjoy, though, are naps!
I could become a PROFESSIONAL NAPPER AND CUSHION TESTER. That would be the mostest natural thing for me to do and completely easiest. I could do it in my sleep!

But wouldn’t that be a very selfish job choice? Especially considering that the Earth-ball totally needs A PROPER COUCH DESIGNER to account for some reasonable couch-sticks!

I could also think reeeeeally long term and become A FANTASTICALLY SCARY GHOST. Not a bad option, all thingies considered.

Then again, while I’ve not gotten much of a practice as a ghost, yet, I am an enormously EXPERIENCED OVEN-GUARD…

… who’ll totally go the extra round to retrieve each and every cookie — no matter where it falls.

Another job I definitely always enjoy is the one of the COURAGEOUS MUD-HOLE CONQUISTADOR…

… if it were not for the scary bathtub aftermaths.

Then, there is this one job that I am already famous for: In case you did not know, I’m the merciless Hunterman SUPER-SHREDDER!!!

I specialize in delivery boxes. And in extra small shreds.

But I’m happy to expand to birthday and Christmas presents of any kind. Or moving boxes. Anything that needs speedy and professional unwrapping is totally my thing.

Soooooo many fantastical job-opportunities, right? Too many, really.

I cannot decide. I like everything! How can you possibly choose one thing when you want to keep doing all of it?

How to decide these totally important things?

* * *

Maybe I’ll just try to be A BESTEST friend, instead,…

… and collect our fantastical adventures, bark-dictate everything into my human’s computer thingy, and keep the stories alive for all of us who care.

After all, with so many amazing friends and totally cool comrades, I hope it’s fine if I just keep on being my plain little old worried self.

I like this choice the mostest.

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Next week, we’ll tell you my future wee-plans.
This is so very exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soft nose nudges, loads of looooooooove,
and thank you for supporting me.

Your BIG doggie friend,
Little Hunterman

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